There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
