dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
