What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
