I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
