dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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