i love accidental penises.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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