My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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