The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
