I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
