Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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