I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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