dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
