Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
