Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
