Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
