Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
