New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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