Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
