he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
