I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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