direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
