rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Terrible idea I love it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
