just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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