One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
