Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
