Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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