Apparently you make a good broom.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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