I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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