Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
