never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
