At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
