if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My life is pants optional.
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