i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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