Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
