Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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