someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Shame - the story of my life.
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