Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
