i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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