I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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