The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
