I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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