So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
