i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
