Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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