Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
