Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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