Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
