Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
