Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
