he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize