# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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