Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
