Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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