its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
