Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
