No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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