My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
