I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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