My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
