don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
