brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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