I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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