So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
4 words: hood of his car
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
