as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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