Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
