Say something about gay babies.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
