Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
