There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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