id be glad to
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
