Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
