I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
