I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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