Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
