Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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